Just Me

Losing all hope is truly a terrible feeling. I hope I don't feel that way ever again, because it was a deep, dark place I don't want to revisit. I guess some promises were made to be broken. All I have to comfort me in my sadness is writing through the pain--even when just existing is painful.

There I go again. It is so easy to slip into that well of self-pity. The stones are slippery, and if you start to slide, you'd better reach out with both hands and grab ahold of whatever you can find. I think of that scene in the movie "The Ring," when the little girl looks up from the bottom of the well in which her mother threw her into, and all she sees is that faint halo of light from around the well-cover. She dies, alone and lonely and scared. (Disregard all the rest of the freaky parts of the movie.) That image is what it's like when I descend into that terrible sadness. I can see the halo of light, but there is no one there to grab onto. On the inside, I am that scared child.

Somehow, I manage to climb out of that pit. The halo of light never disappears completely. I think that is what helps me to ascend again. This month hasn't been so bad. I had Nanowrimo to keep me occupied. I also did a bunch of cleaning. When Nano ended, I felt a little panicky. What will keep my attention now? What will keep me from falling down into that dark place again?

Just me. Just me concentrating on finishing my Nano story, and working on some other stories, too.

Just me...